Pure Existence

When I dig down to my roots I find a girl with expression in her eyes. Story that hurts. Small moments that take place in deep memory because then, it meant more than I ever thought it would. Memories that swing in the breeze, like a careless child – innocent for just a few moments until the swing comes to a stop. Waiting patiently for someone to launch me to the sky again so that a few short moments feel whimsical. My stomach drops. My stomach aches from joy. My stomach becomes nauseated watching everything around me spin.

I’ve grown since the last time my body was launched to the sky, my hair falling back in a loose mess. I’ve grown but my roots still take me to this place. The highs and the lows. The force and the stop.

I was in a safe place, yet my hands still gripped the rope. I’d look down as if there were sharks jumping at my feet. I’d look up as if the branch would snap. I looked ahead and knew this was the feeling of pure existence. This is what it means to be alive.

Back and forth. In circles. Sometimes a twist. Although movement was everywhere, the safest place to be was riding the breeze. If I stayed put I knew I’d be able to find joy in the unknown. The imagination. Even the worry and doubt.

For a moment, when I really tried to focus, I could. I’d see someone ahead of me – the person pushing me. Everything else besides them was a blur. Focus was available even when everything else was full speed.

Dear God – Thank you for showing up. For aligning me into the perfect position to seek you. When everything around me feels rapid, too fast or even too slow… When the world seems out of control – I come back to this place. I remind myself of my roots. The girl staring at you reflects everything you created, placed with experiences to help her get to this place now. The highs to enjoy and the lows to focus on possibility. Restoration. To trust that all structure you build is strong enough to hold. That any direction I go, a crash will not succeed. All the emotions I once felt and all the moments of pure existence held reason. I am stronger. Braver. Trusting. There is challenge and there is reward. There is love and there is loss. God – may I never forget to seek you in moments of need. May I never forget to let my hair down. May I always come to focus on the one thing that stays constant while everything else continues to move.

Existence can be gut wrenchingly beautiful. But you already know that.

Amen.

-Sadianne Joyce

Available Sanctuary

 

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at anytime and be yourself.” -Herman Hesse

How peaceful it is to know we always have a place to go. The most important and vital elements of our beings are within. How sacred and intimate this is when we realize that everything that requires most care, cannot be seen by a surface level glance. We are a house to our soul, our mental state and all of our emotions. We carry a home within us. Whether it comes to physical health or emotional health – I choose and continue to focus on the comfort and love I put into my own sanctuary. Finding home within is essential, it’s ours and it’s time to own it.

We are our own place of safety, comfort and light. We allow what affects the energy weaving in and releasing. We are walking with a haven beneath our form. Are we making it a safe place to be? A place we would wish to visit? A comfort we crave? Does it feel like a trusting and lasting relationship? Rest and acceptance? Love?

What words of encouragement do you have hanging on the walls of your mind? Which words do you speak that sound like prayer? What do you feed your mind before falling asleep and the second you wake? Is your reflection smiling back at you saying “You are beautiful. You are capable. You are strong. You will figure it out.” How is your body being nourished? Are you giving your eyes enough sights that make your body, even if – just for a moment feel one with the scenery? Do you hush your mind and rock your soul to rest when feeling anxious? Do you become better after a challenge instead of bitter? Do you wake thanking God for another day instead of dreading what needs work? Are you easy on yourself when repairs need to be done? Are you wise enough to call for help when the job may be too big to handle yourself? Are you your own best friend, telling yourself “You deserve good things.” just as you would to someone that means the world to you? Are you forgiving when you can’t always be the best version of yourself? Do you wish to be light in darkness or join as a shadow? When you judge others do you acknowledge the feeling of grit it gives your body? When you see the beauty in others do you acknowledge the warmth that runs through your veins? Do you treat others the way you would like to be treated? Do you treat yourself the way you desire others to treat you?

I’ve heard people wanting to get out of their mind, wanting to move on from everything they are feeling, wishing they were somewhere else other than their current state – but all of this cannot be tackled without tackling it. There are fights we need to fight in order to make room for these questions and answers that will shape us into all we are capable of becoming. We must ask the hard questions and most importantly we must answer honestly. Once we become honest with who we are deep down we can then begin to shape our house into a home. Our physical, mental and emotional state will feel safe and heard. There is no need to hide emotions, to pretend that everything is okay when it is not – this is a false environment, one where we wont be free. We can recreate, revisit, revamp, reconstruct at any given moment – we are a miraculous creation that will adjust. Beautiful adjustments take time so it’s important to keep our spirits up and continue to fight when we don’t see or feel results. Something is in store, something restored.

Sink into your sanctuary.

Walk in fearlessly, get comfortable and honest. And then ask your refreshed, revitalized self, “Will you stay awhile?”

-Sadianne Joyce

Seeds of Intention

Become rooted by planting your own seeds of intention. Reach as you know there is light to come. Grow until you begin to blossom. Remove the weeds to enhance the environment around the process of your growth. And when you become so full and sprouted – give your beauty to those in need. To inspire. To share joy. To love. To spread existence.

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R O O T E D D E F I N E D – To be rooted is to have been planted. Rooted is the definition of existence. We’re all rooted, but we can often forget what it means or lose feeling of this security. To be rooted is to have a home within. Regardless of where I am, I can rely on the comfort that lives at my core. A sense of contentment, approval and self love. I am rooted in purpose, being whole and standing strong in faith that makes me grow.

” Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.

For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfill themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree.

I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live.” –Herman Hesse

G R O W T H D E F I N E D – Growth becomes personalized. Unique to all and never limited. My favorite aspect of growth is whether or not society or expectations place pressure upon the subject, there is not one way to measure growth and it be the same for all. It’s like love, you can see what could define the subject matter, but it’s much more than that. It’s a feeling, a state of being, a place that once discovered you can only wait to dig deeper. It’s fulfillment, something unseen, an emotion, a physical shift, God like. The only way we grow is when change. With our own pace and our own lessons, we will begin shifting. Budding and becoming tall until we bloom. And when we bloom, we are in alignment with higher perspective.

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I N T E N T I O N D E F I N E D – Intention will always hold a special place in my heart. It’s effort. It’s thought. It’s hope. It’s result. It’s purpose.

“Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.” -Aristotle

My intentions are rooted. Understanding that as gardeners we must tend to all things that blossom to keep the hope of tomorrow’s alive. I know that I’ve been uprooted and placed in places of unfamiliarity. I know this because I’ve felt it down to my core. I would have conversations and prayer about the shifting. With responses from wisdom and courage, I rested knowing that I will always hold the seeds that I need in order to bloom and begin again – And when that time comes of needing to roll up my sleeves, dig deep, and come back home to all that I am – I will be more capable than I was before. I will become worthy of my placement. I will multiply. I will leave gardens behind my name. I will harvest pieces of myself to give to others and wish that they too, use a clipping to make something of their own.

When I give myself to others with good intention, I will not be losing any part of who I am – instead I will grow even taller, my creation will be defined even stronger.

-Sadianne Joyce

November’s Essence

“It was November – the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines. Ann roamed through the pine-land alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great sweeping wind blow the fogs out of her soul.” -L.M. Montgomery

Leaves dance with ease, but not before shedding from the branches to then riding the breeze. A journey of essential transformation. I will let the breeze that feels like future frost ride through my body. There’s something thrilling about this current environment, standing outside of our bodies contentment. We must shift, gather strength and find ease.

I’ve always admired this season of my life, all that it teaches me. I will mirror the wild of November’s essence. May I be unapologetic to the transformation that must take place in order to become what’s in store. I will release and I will gain. I will define the beauty of what we cannot control, the freedom of shifting. The adjustment that’s needed in order for new purpose. I will dance with the breeze, I will inhale the cold shifting from fall into winter and I will find the warmth. I will not take the undressing of what once bloomed as a loss. I will not slip into worry and doubt. I will embrace nature in it’s most natural way – resting in God’s creation. I will listen to His voice when I am told to adjust and then trust.

When this voice is heard, it may not be what we prefer, it may not be warm, it may not be easy but it will embody purpose. Sometimes we deserve to just sit back and let blessed realizations come to us. When we answer calls from God we give all the harvesting we’ve done room to manifest.

With mornings that begin in darkness, the stars will still shine bright later come night. And with long nights, the sun will still rise and shine through the cracks of my curtains the next morning in the familiar spots I’ve observed. These small moments of enlightenment will remind me that through all I endure, beauty will still find me… When morning begins colder and nights rush to become darker, I can change my perspective from loss to opportunity in gaining creativity to build my own temple of a cozy, safe landing.

Seasons never alter drastically, but rather slowly. They take their time – without rush but still in confidence. Approvals are not needed, they will change regardless of where you stand or how you try to prevent what is made to happen. Your new season will lead up, carrying essentials and gems. Memories of what was let go of and advances of what was learned. Love and lesson. Wholeness and defining moments.

For me, a defining moment happened while I was writing this, in a quiet coffee shop, everything around me was still. My body cold. Wondering what’s next? How do I answer questions I don’t understand? And then a gentle thought told me, “this is it. The season is new and so are you.”

Jazz filled the room, existence around me started to dance and gleam… My soul was feeling restoration of warmth fill in places I was unaware needed nurturing. Questions I don’t hold the answers to are not worthy of worry, instead God steps in.

Let us remember the very design of faith – in moments of stillness, He is working on movement. In places we are cold, warmth is on it’s way. In any void, He will fill. In any shift, He is there waiting.

“This is it. The season is new and so are you.”

-Sadianne Joyce

Thicker Skin and a Softer Heart

The air of October has always found a home against my spine – riding through my body and settling in places warmth fights to find. I value this feeling as it reminds me of what being alive is – to feel. To shiver. To fight. To seek comfort. To conquer.

On this day October 14th, my father was born. Happy Birthday to the man who taught me what forgiveness means, who taught me fight, who helped me understand that not all questions can be answered but faith will live on as long as we wear it like armor. Rest in peace to the man who deserved the rest, freedom, the answers to what I’ve accepted will never make sense. October will always speak to me like a long lost friend – or a long lost enemy, I’m not sure which feels more fitting. This month holds a memorable place in my heart. The same heart that has softened throughout the years, the heart that is guarded by skin that has become thick and capable of anything, with or without fear.

One of our greatest strengths is courage to seek beauty even when life doesn’t represent the miraculous creation that it is. Many will wake to days where this seems impossible, many will continue to rise and try again, without knowing why. Some will give up and some will succeed. There are no promises of what will happen next, what the day will bring, who will be here and who will be gone. These thoughts used to scare me. They used to shift me into anxiousness, until I realized that through fear, grit, fight and tears I will always be ready. I will fight for those who didn’t know how. I will listen to those who feel unheard. I will reach my hand to those falling and I’ll get on the ground to be a ladder into higher perspective. I’ll do all of this by simply existing in each day to my fullest potential, remembering where I came from and who I am today.

I’ve become balanced, understanding and reminiscing right from wrong. I’ve come to solid ground, standing here – tall and demanding of standards that will continue to rise. Expectations to gather in healthy relationships, environments and expression. I will never be without this, I have a promise to keep.

In just a few days, October 17th will mark the day my father passed away. The day that has brought me to these thoughts today. The day that has shaped me. The day he gave up and the day I stood up.

I’ve learned and will continue to cherish the fight we all have within us. The value that keeps us defined and the worth of what we allow in our lives. I will embrace everything that has happened to me and all that’s to come. To being capable of feeling. To being capable of loving. To being capable of seeing a future yet embracing the present with grateful presence. To celebrations, whether small or large. To the appreciation of free joys that make life priceless. To intentional movement. To growth. To honesty. To God. To loss. To gain. To excelling. To being supported. To my guardians. To my being.

My existence that was created by my Mother and my Father. By fierce passion and burning desire – all stories come to an end but a new beginning is always around the corner.

-Sadianne Joyce

Sweeter.

Through years, healing, light and dark – a resting place within me has developed. A house, a feeling of comfort. A reflection of the peace I seek only to find within. Even on an unknown road, if I focus on the ease and love flowing beneath my skin and the depth through any structure – I am still. Safe. Satisfied. In all conditions, an environment will be adaptable by choosing my response.

A drive with a view can be tasteful, but a drive with a view can be sweeter, by doing one simple gesture… Pulling over to indulge in the sight. Allowing time to feel paused. There is no thought or worry focused on the movement of tires, because time is now.

There is a view, a life, a home deep within that craves a visit. If we do not take the time to stop and pave the way to this resting place, we will be unable to grasp the only thing we have – now. We will see it in the rear view, without carrying on with genuine intention of what’s next.

There cannot be a next if there is not a now.

When I find myself unfocused on my current state, with a floating mind or a distanced heart – I know I must recenter. What I cannot control does not define me but how I perceive my environment does. I pray to continue being the woman who restores my being. Who brings a hushing comfort to dark thoughts. Who dismisses confusion that invites itself in and anxiousness that overstays an unwelcomed visit. I pray to continue admiring the view. To remember a pause is not a pause at all, but a blessing of allowing something greater to be in control. The presence in the present. I pray to see the illusion in presented perfection. The illusion in pressure. The illusion in second guessing what I stand for. I pray to continue hand crafting – adding touch by bringing my most authentic self, allowing my creation to flee. Devouring the sight given. The sunrise and sunset does not ask us to drive into the race, but to get out and sit on it’s sidelines. To trust. In gleaming enchantment the rays whisper “Rest upon me. Next to me. Breathe. Relax. Become in awe of all that I am. All that you are. Don’t accelerate into darkness by choice. Reach out. Touch me. Become me. A breathtaking balance of stillness and movement. A miraculous beauty.”

When discovery takes place everything around us exhales as our beings inhale light, as our hearts beat in warmth. As our spirit rests in cheer. As the road says “I’ll be here when the time comes.”

-Sadianne Joyce

Fluency Exposed

Our language will be heard. Will it be understood? A chance we decide to take. One I admittedly love to take. There’s something alluring about walking into an environment and offering all I can be in true expression. There’s nothing more and nothing less that I can give when I am true to everything within. When I speak in a language that only aligns with all I am and all I can be, I soon experience who reciprocates.

Who speaks my language? The ones who understand without actual words. Energy that weaves through present space with ease and communion. Hearts that comfort. A shoulder to lean on without needing to ask. The ones who see simplicity as the greatest luxury. Everything materialistic will never hold the substance that something intangible can. Rhythms that sync and heartbeats to dance to. Foundation of trust and respect that’s constant. Passion that drips over conversations that impact and shift. Understanding that hard work is not only done in a workplace but personally. Value in existence radiates. Those who show up and are undeniably authentic to all that has shaped them. The creators, the artists, the enthusiasts. The ones who celebrate what calls directly to their heart. The ones who celebrate loudly and are unashamed of where their attention admires. The ones who bravely grasp onto what calls them near, even if others do not see the same beauty. The explorers. The ones who have sights, stories and poetic prose tucked carefully in safekeeping of their hearts. An example, an inspiring figure that takes up space in ones own style. A good character who only uses judgement from divine intuition. Those who are easy on themselves, loving always, even when it’s hard. Hearts that are whole, yet have room. Forgiveness and wisdom goes hand in hand. The ones who respond in vulnerability. The ones who expose challenges, knowing that support is not a sign of weakness but a battle to be fought together. The ones who keep faith near and trust in the process. Knowing that our connection alone holds significance, rhyme and reason.

If reciprocation does not take place it is not a time to feel alone. It is a time to celebrate differences, pure formation in truth. Take any failed connection as higher purpose guiding. Take any confused comprehension as understanding that it was never meant to be interpreted. Not everyone is meant for us and this is a beautiful part of life. Not every aspect of life is supposed to reflect perfection. Trust in this. Carry on. And always, continue to speak your language.

Fluently so.

-Sadianne Joyce

A Sculpted Masterpiece

There is a creator within all of us – it’s in our blood. We are a sculpted masterpiece, let us never forget.

As we are many things, we remain human, which allows us to fall into states of seeking, wanting only what we think will fill a void. Without realizing that everything we need is already within us, darkness can arrive. If we feel that our fire is burning out, when we forget, lack, and don’t feel the need to keep adding fuel – we become cold. Light is no longer, the atmosphere dims and our vision isn’t clear.

Depending on the season of my life, I will have an undeniable light within and around me. While other times I need to push harder and gather energy to stay inspired.

When we feel darkness approaching let us not stray too far. Let us remember that we only become lost when we step outside of ourselves. Our resources to regain, refocus and recreate are within us. The creator who created us would not leave us without the tools to become our best selves whenever we are genuinely motivated to put our best foot forward.

When we doubt what we’re capable of we’re putting borders upon our craft and limiting our outcome. Why is it so easy to be hard on ourselves? Why is it so hard to believe that yes, we in fact, can. We can do anything our heart desires. We are capable of much more than what we allow ourselves to know. Excuses are easy when our environment isn’t to it’s fullest potential, but what we forget is that our environment can shift, change and become redesigned by our own hands. Let us roll up our sleeves and become the artist who knows what they are capable of and unafraid to take the leap into movement.

Let us take a look at everything before us. Sometimes all we need is our surroundings to come to a breathtaking stillness. In this stillness we will see what no longer serves purpose. Room for new essentials will be available. I will surrender in letting go. I will move forward in growth, ignited light and conditions that enhance my soul.

We are a masterpiece always, even when we lose sight that everything we need is within. We are all growing, we are all learning, we are all coming home from being lost time and time again.

Our tension releases. Our posture lifts. Our spirit is felt. Our eyes see clear. Our language is heard. Our heart is healthy. Our mind is fulfilled with fresh thoughts. Our body is balanced. Our home is loved. Our tools are useful. Our creation lives.

-Sadianne Joyce

Virtue Defined

Emotions running through my blood, reminding me how alive and blessed I am to live a life granted. Sometimes it’s important to center all of our thoughts, our purpose, the joy we are capable of.

Ask yourself, what confirms my existence? What confirms my purpose? Tears begin to run down my face, making me understand the very reason of my creation.

We gather and forget what we are here for. Let us be reminded why we all live in the same place. It is not to feel crowded, invaded or anxious. I find people full of love everyday, and if I feel a shortage, I wish to offer a hand, wanting to remind them of why happiness is something we’re all capable of. I listen to hear God’s voice, I become a steward of blessing when I speak through him and when I give through him. When I become a blessing to others I am blessed with confirmation. I am rewarded with confirmation of knowing my very purpose. My purpose in life is not something to grasp, it is not a goal to reach, it’s not a day I look forward to. My purpose is now. It is present time that deserves indulgence. Every breath, every moment, every day. My purpose is to step outside of ordinary, to become something deeper than just a surface level, existing conversation. I wish to comfort and warm where cold hits and wishes to settle. I am created to admire, to look in the eyes of despair and pray for light. I’m here to look into the eyes of joy and feel them inspire. When I give joy, I receive joy – because within offering is foundation.

The design of my body was given as I continue to be the designer of my spirit. I am fulfilled with worthiness when I design by surrendering.

“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; For to have been born in God’s thought and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious in all thinking.” -C.S. Lewis

Surrendering is one of our strongest abilities. Surrendering to what God has called upon us, in front of us and behind us is not an easy task, but it is needed in order to understand pure reason. My motives are to let go of control. I no longer try to calculate what does not make sense. I stray from paths that do not lead to a holy place. I no longer move forward forgetting that I am chosen and a plan is crafted. I am yours God while I am still mine, experiencing this is virtue defined. I will only desire change if it is called by you. I will only trust where I feel you live. I only indulge where I can serve purpose and purpose can serve me. Unease and confusion does not tempt me. I no longer invite the unknown unless intuitive discovery calls. I will not go where I feel you afar. I cannot seek for something that is already inventoried within.

I have heard your voice, your comfort, your wisdom in places I have needed it – This is ALL I need. I will continue to be the very creation you called upon this Earth. I will continue to live as a daily reminder of what I am capable of – what we all are capable of.

I will continue to surrender.

-Sadianne Joyce

Breaking Chains

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble for they will inherit the whole world. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven.

As I was paging through my bible, spending time where I needed it, I came across these blessings. I’ll never doubt the messages that come our way when we are hungry to fill our stomach and make us full. God knows when we are seeking and hungry – when we reach out, we will be fulfilled with the exact nourishment we are lacking.

It normally happens when I’m in the midst of chaos, that I come to the realization that a deep breath, time alone and a conversation with my heart is needed. These conversations happen when my desires need to be revisited, my priorities and my surroundings. I ask myself, are you becoming more of the person you want to be by what surrounds you? Are you making every moment matter by surrounding yourself around genuine relationships, meaningful conversations and most importantly the joy that feeds your mind and heart?

We become so used to saying “yes” to opportunities that rise because of convenience. Sometimes our voice feels small because we have a fear of being judged after releasing our truth. We can even keep relationships because the lack of knowing our own worth, we’re scared to be without, because it is new territory.

I’m breaking the chains of fear. Of allowance in what doesn’t feel trustworthy. Heartfelt. Genuine. In relation with God. Comfortable. Easy. Loving. All in. I’m breaking wrong intentions of others, seeing through where they want me for their own selfish reasons. I’m breaking dishonesty from others, for it will not last as I have no space for it. I’m breaking silence, standing up in what is right and what is wrong. I’m breaking judgement, if you do not like the passionate, loud loving heart I have, it was never meant to be yours to understand. I’m breaking lack of communication by offering all I can on my end and if not mirrored, the path will continue on with light showing me a more fitting way.

“You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” Tene Edwards

We have a mighty God. Ready and willing to overflow our hunger into satisfaction. The problem is, a lot of people are not ready to receive. Serve. And continue on with spiritual purpose and worth. We must see what God has created us to be.

If we don’t focus our life on personal care – we will never be able to offer our best selves. If we do not nurture where we need nourishment, even when we try to be a loving friend, partner or stranger, we wont be able to. When we lack care for ourselves we will lack care for others. When we are not honest with ourselves how could we ever express honesty to others, as it would be coming from a false source. When we do not love ourselves we cannot love those around us.

Break the chains that keep you in places that are not meant for you. Understand that distancing yourself to come home to yourself is often times key. Once you have that key you will be able to walk into your home, find love in the places that are decorated from all the good within you. And soon, you’ll be able to invite others in. They will be inspired, they will feel at home within your home because when we become our best selves we attract what syncs with our own belonging. They will take a piece of you with them, to keep. To cherish. To thank God for.

-Sadianne Joyce