Tag: craft

My Testimony

 

close up colors landscape picture“The Lord is my Shepard – I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness.”

He makes me. He leads me. He restores me.

There was no other way. Every day and especially come night, I had a relationship with God – he came in to protect me. When I think of my childhood I think of my Mother. She had an energy about her that gave me safety. Even when her environment was unsafe, my Mother didn’t allow fear to cross her. Gods protection reminded me of my Mom, but I knew with Gods protection that it wasn’t just me that was kept safe, it was both her and I, my sister, my Father, everyone surrounding me – which made my relationship with God a priority. It’s as if he came to me and I surrendered. I knew that all would be okay as long as I followed this feeling and trusted a higher form of care. As a kid our relationship felt like the greatest, private tale of all time, yet it was real. It was existing, sometimes a gut feeling – I didn’t know precisely what this love was, but I knew I would never move in the opposite direction. And it carried me all the way to the next chapters of my life. When I think of my life and the testimony that belongs to me, there is not a certain moment that was a defining moment. My testimony has lived within me since I came to understand the safety that followed after I allowed God to take care of my family and I. Prayer would blossom out of me. I wasn’t taken to church religiously, but my mind understood the beautiful, miraculous wonders that something much larger had to of been the Creator. I wasn’t religious in terms of following a set of rules but I had an undeniable, personal relationship that I embrace to this day. Spirituality is my movement. Everyone around me knew that my experiences were outside the ordinary for a child my age, I grew up fast. I had no other choice, the same way God came in and took care of my life. Our safety. He made me lay down, rest, and realize he was the only one who could restore all of the hurt, fight and confusion.

My mom received a phone call, I heard the detective on the other line tell her to turn around, they found him. “Where is he?” My Mother asked. The detective responded and told her he would speak to her in person. I pushed my head into the seat and prayed the hardest I’ve ever prayed in my life. In that moment I felt the presence of God surround my being. It was clarification, understanding and knowing that the feeling I’ve been feeling, came over my body in full. I was no longer having just a taste of what my relationship was, I became fulfilled. I prayed so hard I could barely breathe. It was my initial reaction, to speak to God. To let him know that I am here. I am with him. He let me know he was with me.

“Please. Let him be okay.” I whispered. I would soon find out that he was. He was no longer in pain. No longer addicted. No longer fighting control. As I prayed, I felt as if my Dad was taking my hair, tucking it behind my ear, rocking me back and forth, telling me, “I am okay. And you will be too. Your mom. Your sister. The days to come. The man who will fill in. I am not far, I am here with you. I hear you, not in the way I used to. But you are all knowing and you will never go a day without my attention.”

The rest of the night is a blur. It could have been the tears covering my eyes or the sound of the scream I heard from my Mom when the detective told her they found my father dead. I stayed in the car when she went in to have the conversation. Looking at my sister in her car seat I wondered how this could be. Tears fell from my face, my sister in my arms. This was now my battlefield. His hurt is gone and ours will worsen for some time. But because God is with me, I will never fail, the pain will not last, understanding will come over my heart, it will take years but it will come. I will never lose sight of the proof that we have a protective God. My fathers death was a grudge that I held for awhile. Sadness turned into anger and anger turned into anxiety.

I fought to forgive my Father for all he has missed and all he will miss out on, for the love I poured from my small being, feeling as if I could have done better… Wishing I would have done more… I forgave him. For making my Mother a warrior, not because she wanted to be but because she had to be, she was a survivor while sometimes feeling like she was losing. I forgave him for leaving. He left me with the most powerful lesson. He didn’t leave me empty handed and I often wonder if he as well, had a relation with God that offered pure peace. It took me a long time to realize this. He introduced the purest, most powerful love. And this is where my strength comes from, the relationship I had with God as a young age. It wasn’t because of the experiences I went through but because of the faith my small being had. Sometimes we go through ultimate darkness so we are made to kneel down, to have one choice but to give ourselves to the one who holds reason and I made the choice to do so. Even when it didn’t make sense, it does now. And I understand that I have been encountering God in special ways ever since.

With arms wide open and a broken heart, anger in my soul, misunderstanding when happiness was present, unknowingly defending all pain, carefully taking myself out of joyful situations because it felt too good to be true, I remembered that this is not what God would want for me. And most certainly not my Father, who wished with his entire being – to give me the very best. I not only forgave my Dad. I forgave myself and let the weights drift from my shoulders. I let go and let God in, again, again and again. And each time I would find that same feeling of guidance, fulfillment, a sense that I was being waited for. Restoration occurred and I am now the woman I am today because of the witness I grew up to be. There is no other way, there is no other choice, God is the center of my life, and the reason as to why the gospel I take in is so moving.

I pray that those who have their own testimony share their voice with others. I pray that those receiving, dance to the gospel.

I pray that those who have not had the opportunity to experience such a relationship, open their hearts and realize the rest will follow.

Trust in this.

The rest will follow.

-Sadianne Joyce

“It takes courage to give voice to what we experience, the way a coyote howls: not just out of hunger, but out of visceral joy at being a part of the infinite secret revealed. In this way, we’re angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket after thicket because we sense what can’t be seen all around us.” -M. Nepo

Virtue Defined

Emotions running through my blood, reminding me how alive and blessed I am to live a life granted. Sometimes it’s important to center all of our thoughts, our purpose, the joy we are capable of.

Ask yourself, what confirms my existence? What confirms my purpose? Tears begin to run down my face, making me understand the very reason of my creation.

We gather and forget what we are here for. Let us be reminded why we all live in the same place. It is not to feel crowded, invaded or anxious. I find people full of love everyday, and if I feel a shortage, I wish to offer a hand, wanting to remind them of why happiness is something we’re all capable of. I listen to hear God’s voice, I become a steward of blessing when I speak through him and when I give through him. When I become a blessing to others I am blessed with confirmation. I am rewarded with confirmation of knowing my very purpose. My purpose in life is not something to grasp, it is not a goal to reach, it’s not a day I look forward to. My purpose is now. It is present time that deserves indulgence. Every breath, every moment, every day. My purpose is to step outside of ordinary, to become something deeper than just a surface level, existing conversation. I wish to comfort and warm where cold hits and wishes to settle. I am created to admire, to look in the eyes of despair and pray for light. I’m here to look into the eyes of joy and feel them inspire. When I give joy, I receive joy – because within offering is foundation.

The design of my body was given as I continue to be the designer of my spirit. I am fulfilled with worthiness when I design by surrendering.

“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; For to have been born in God’s thought and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious in all thinking.” -C.S. Lewis

Surrendering is one of our strongest abilities. Surrendering to what God has called upon us, in front of us and behind us is not an easy task, but it is needed in order to understand pure reason. My motives are to let go of control. I no longer try to calculate what does not make sense. I stray from paths that do not lead to a holy place. I no longer move forward forgetting that I am chosen and a plan is crafted. I am yours God while I am still mine, experiencing this is virtue defined. I will only desire change if it is called by you. I will only trust where I feel you live. I only indulge where I can serve purpose and purpose can serve me. Unease and confusion does not tempt me. I no longer invite the unknown unless intuitive discovery calls. I will not go where I feel you afar. I cannot seek for something that is already inventoried within.

I have heard your voice, your comfort, your wisdom in places I have needed it – This is ALL I need. I will continue to be the very creation you called upon this Earth. I will continue to live as a daily reminder of what I am capable of – what we all are capable of.

I will continue to surrender.

-Sadianne Joyce

Enhancing by Choice

To be creative means to be in love with life… People are walking exteriors of unique ingredients. We are a place of expression, a sanctuary of thoughts that are crafted by the artist within us. We have a choice to wake up and use our hands to make something beautiful. To use our mind to radiate warm energy. To use our words to inspire hearts to beat. To use our sound to make rhythm easy. To use our eyes to see the light. And so on.

Thank life for being so giving. How blessed are we to have the choice of what we taste? What we allow. How we can perceive challenges as lessons to be learned…

In each day I want to be seen for my energy. I want to be felt for graceful movement. I want to be heard by what I radiate when words are not spoken… And when words are spoken I want to be a sensation of born emotions. I have a choice in waking up and making the most out of the life I was given. I have a choice in enhancing life by giving the gift that was born within me, my creativity.

We can all be creative. Creativity is not a gift that one is born without. We can find it within us, each one of us. It depends on us – are we going to be a supplier of what lays beneath the surface? Creativity is not always a physical creation that we make in front of us but an intangible specialty. Create with your thoughts, your love and the emotion others can walk away with. Create even if results are not immediate. A process is often required for a masterpiece to blossom.

Perfect a tilted object in the way only your magic allows. Reach out until you are satisfied. Give something your touch, you were meant to adjust subjects that call to you. If we have a motive or a dream that entails shifting then we must step foot in it’s path. This desire is not placed with coincidence. Your magic is calling. Your creation is answering.

-Sadianne Joyce

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?”

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”