Tag: poetry

Eclectic Freedom

NO ONE IS YOU – AND THAT IS YOUR POWER

Rest assured and a deep breath in – you are one of a kind, and one of a kind for a reason. Understand that you don’t need to be understood by everyone. This is what filtered beauty really is. With good practice and soul searching throughout time, I’ve become free from thinking I need to fit into a certain profession, possessions, categories that define who I am. These type of weighing thoughts, or even wants do not exist in my life. This is not where my worth is defined. There’s not certain places I find myself that embody purpose but rather all places.

I value freedom the same way I value love and loyalty – It’s one of the most important aspects of my life. Freedom includes peace to just be. I hold dedication within myself to keep my heart open with not only ease but faith in that ease. I wish for everyone to understand that they don’t need to be defined – they don’t need to fit into a box or a set list of labels. Instead we can resemble all things that weave our heart and soul together. Dreams, ideas, projects, goals, time for all the things you’ve always wanted to do, learn, or visions of who you want to be.

For me, there is gold in understanding that my purpose isn’t in a search but in my current state. I prefer to wake up and be created anew. It truly depends on the day, and at the end of the day it’s important to rest my head knowing I didn’t chase a classification to fit into, I didn’t settle on fulfilling someone else’s expectations or doing what the people around me are doing. Instead I’ll spend my days in leisure with the balance of motivation to be exactly who I am called to be that day.

By nature, I’m only instilled and focused on beauty that resonates within. I wish to be pulled by all that’s alluring to who I am, deeply. I want to be taken to open fields of wild existence, to express and let loose all the parts that shape me. My floating ideas actually keep me grounded. And while some may think free spirits are too fierce, I find that those living in freedom are the most breath-taking creatures to exist. The ones unafraid to be themselves. The ones who express from a genuine place and understand that differences are planted as gifts and it is a pure duty to share.

You don’t have to change pieces of yourself that set you apart from others, these are the parts of you, where the right people at the right time, will show up to admire and love.  

I choose to be limitless. I don’t want to fall under one passion but a multitude. I don’t want to feel pressure when it comes to choosing what’s for me, instead I will be a magnet to all that’s finding it’s way towards me – And when it comes, it will find a home in my ever-growing heart that has a limitless capacity for admiration.

-Sadianne Joyce

Journal Entries: What inspires me? Am I allowing myself the space to create? Am I walking the paths my soul wishes for? A list of collectibles I love. What sparks my rooted gifts and ignites me to dig deeper? Who brings out the best in me? Do I love something for myself because I love it myself? Do I rely on approval by others? Am I fearless in all the right ways? Define eclectic. Define freedom.

My Testimony

 

close up colors landscape picture“The Lord is my Shepard – I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness.”

He makes me. He leads me. He restores me.

There was no other way. Every day and especially come night, I had a relationship with God – he came in to protect me. When I think of my childhood I think of my Mother. She had an energy about her that gave me safety. Even when her environment was unsafe, my Mother didn’t allow fear to cross her. Gods protection reminded me of my Mom, but I knew with Gods protection that it wasn’t just me that was kept safe, it was both her and I, my sister, my Father, everyone surrounding me – which made my relationship with God a priority. It’s as if he came to me and I surrendered. I knew that all would be okay as long as I followed this feeling and trusted a higher form of care. As a kid our relationship felt like the greatest, private tale of all time, yet it was real. It was existing, sometimes a gut feeling – I didn’t know precisely what this love was, but I knew I would never move in the opposite direction. And it carried me all the way to the next chapters of my life. When I think of my life and the testimony that belongs to me, there is not a certain moment that was a defining moment. My testimony has lived within me since I came to understand the safety that followed after I allowed God to take care of my family and I. Prayer would blossom out of me. I wasn’t taken to church religiously, but my mind understood the beautiful, miraculous wonders that something much larger had to of been the Creator. I wasn’t religious in terms of following a set of rules but I had an undeniable, personal relationship that I embrace to this day. Spirituality is my movement. Everyone around me knew that my experiences were outside the ordinary for a child my age, I grew up fast. I had no other choice, the same way God came in and took care of my life. Our safety. He made me lay down, rest, and realize he was the only one who could restore all of the hurt, fight and confusion.

My mom received a phone call, I heard the detective on the other line tell her to turn around, they found him. “Where is he?” My Mother asked. The detective responded and told her he would speak to her in person. I pushed my head into the seat and prayed the hardest I’ve ever prayed in my life. In that moment I felt the presence of God surround my being. It was clarification, understanding and knowing that the feeling I’ve been feeling, came over my body in full. I was no longer having just a taste of what my relationship was, I became fulfilled. I prayed so hard I could barely breathe. It was my initial reaction, to speak to God. To let him know that I am here. I am with him. He let me know he was with me.

“Please. Let him be okay.” I whispered. I would soon find out that he was. He was no longer in pain. No longer addicted. No longer fighting control. As I prayed, I felt as if my Dad was taking my hair, tucking it behind my ear, rocking me back and forth, telling me, “I am okay. And you will be too. Your mom. Your sister. The days to come. The man who will fill in. I am not far, I am here with you. I hear you, not in the way I used to. But you are all knowing and you will never go a day without my attention.”

The rest of the night is a blur. It could have been the tears covering my eyes or the sound of the scream I heard from my Mom when the detective told her they found my father dead. I stayed in the car when she went in to have the conversation. Looking at my sister in her car seat I wondered how this could be. Tears fell from my face, my sister in my arms. This was now my battlefield. His hurt is gone and ours will worsen for some time. But because God is with me, I will never fail, the pain will not last, understanding will come over my heart, it will take years but it will come. I will never lose sight of the proof that we have a protective God. My fathers death was a grudge that I held for awhile. Sadness turned into anger and anger turned into anxiety.

I fought to forgive my Father for all he has missed and all he will miss out on, for the love I poured from my small being, feeling as if I could have done better… Wishing I would have done more… I forgave him. For making my Mother a warrior, not because she wanted to be but because she had to be, she was a survivor while sometimes feeling like she was losing. I forgave him for leaving. He left me with the most powerful lesson. He didn’t leave me empty handed and I often wonder if he as well, had a relation with God that offered pure peace. It took me a long time to realize this. He introduced the purest, most powerful love. And this is where my strength comes from, the relationship I had with God as a young age. It wasn’t because of the experiences I went through but because of the faith my small being had. Sometimes we go through ultimate darkness so we are made to kneel down, to have one choice but to give ourselves to the one who holds reason and I made the choice to do so. Even when it didn’t make sense, it does now. And I understand that I have been encountering God in special ways ever since.

With arms wide open and a broken heart, anger in my soul, misunderstanding when happiness was present, unknowingly defending all pain, carefully taking myself out of joyful situations because it felt too good to be true, I remembered that this is not what God would want for me. And most certainly not my Father, who wished with his entire being – to give me the very best. I not only forgave my Dad. I forgave myself and let the weights drift from my shoulders. I let go and let God in, again, again and again. And each time I would find that same feeling of guidance, fulfillment, a sense that I was being waited for. Restoration occurred and I am now the woman I am today because of the witness I grew up to be. There is no other way, there is no other choice, God is the center of my life, and the reason as to why the gospel I take in is so moving.

I pray that those who have their own testimony share their voice with others. I pray that those receiving, dance to the gospel.

I pray that those who have not had the opportunity to experience such a relationship, open their hearts and realize the rest will follow.

Trust in this.

The rest will follow.

-Sadianne Joyce

“It takes courage to give voice to what we experience, the way a coyote howls: not just out of hunger, but out of visceral joy at being a part of the infinite secret revealed. In this way, we’re angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket after thicket because we sense what can’t be seen all around us.” -M. Nepo

Diving Deeper

My mind wandered across the beach, my thoughts upon the waves, washing clean and back to shore. My feet were cool, resting past the surface level of sand. My body being warmed by the sun, and even more so from the love I felt from the man sitting next to me.

I’ve always dreamed about living a life I wouldn’t need to vacation from. I thought to myself, when I can say this, I’ll know I’ve made it. But something about this moment shifted something for me. I watched the birds dive deep into the ocean and with determination to gather, they would come up – fulfilled. This made sense to me.

The palm trees swaying and children laughing. Birds can always be observed if we look up once in awhile. A page from my book dancing in the wind, reminding me of my attention drifting elsewhere. A couple near by, mirroring what others see when they look at me and Jason. Admiring each other, but perfectly relaxed.

Fulfillment is attainable at any moment, we only need to dive deeper.

On a vacation we take the essentials. Packing lighter gives us room to experience what isn’t materialistic. When we are away, we look at each day as a gift. An experience waiting to happen. Regardless of the season, in a land that isn’t familiar, we make the most of it. We stay hopeful and make the moments count. We make effort to capture memories we surely wont forget. We’ll bring it up years to come and share it over laughter and maybe even tears. These are thoughts I spend present time looking forward to, without realizing I already have it. Here and now. Tomorrow and the next day. Our days outside of vacation are just as numbered.

I looked at Jason and told him, “I love this life.” Knowing I meant I love more than just this vacation. I love the life outside of it. The life we’re going home to. The family and friends. Our daily routines, what we do for a living but even more, our passions. What has passed and what’s in store. I love that everyday can be treated as luxurious as a vacation if we remind ourselves how precious our moments are. I vow promises to myself, in the silence between pages turning and passerby’s – I promise never to rely on time away to feel the admiration I have for this life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s normal and healthy to enjoy time away from normal responsibility. I’m guilty for indulging in pauses, taking a step back, breaking free. I admire time dedicated to re-centering and becoming re-inspired. This is how we become polished. But what if, in the time away we realized we could be this enlightened on any ordinary day?

We watched the sun glide from one side of us to the other, setting. Slipping us into the night. Another day coming to an end, but not just any day.

I will look forward to this life. Not one day, but everyday.

-Sadianne Joyce

November’s Essence

“It was November – the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines. Ann roamed through the pine-land alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great sweeping wind blow the fogs out of her soul.” -L.M. Montgomery

Leaves dance with ease, but not before shedding from the branches to then riding the breeze. A journey of essential transformation. I will let the breeze that feels like future frost ride through my body. There’s something thrilling about this current environment, standing outside of our bodies contentment. We must shift, gather strength and find ease.

I’ve always admired this season of my life, all that it teaches me. I will mirror the wild of November’s essence. May I be unapologetic to the transformation that must take place in order to become what’s in store. I will release and I will gain. I will define the beauty of what we cannot control, the freedom of shifting. The adjustment that’s needed in order for new purpose. I will dance with the breeze, I will inhale the cold shifting from fall into winter and I will find the warmth. I will not take the undressing of what once bloomed as a loss. I will not slip into worry and doubt. I will embrace nature in it’s most natural way – resting in God’s creation. I will listen to His voice when I am told to adjust and then trust.

When this voice is heard, it may not be what we prefer, it may not be warm, it may not be easy but it will embody purpose. Sometimes we deserve to just sit back and let blessed realizations come to us. When we answer calls from God we give all the harvesting we’ve done room to manifest.

With mornings that begin in darkness, the stars will still shine bright later come night. And with long nights, the sun will still rise and shine through the cracks of my curtains the next morning in the familiar spots I’ve observed. These small moments of enlightenment will remind me that through all I endure, beauty will still find me… When morning begins colder and nights rush to become darker, I can change my perspective from loss to opportunity in gaining creativity to build my own temple of a cozy, safe landing.

Seasons never alter drastically, but rather slowly. They take their time – without rush but still in confidence. Approvals are not needed, they will change regardless of where you stand or how you try to prevent what is made to happen. Your new season will lead up, carrying essentials and gems. Memories of what was let go of and advances of what was learned. Love and lesson. Wholeness and defining moments.

For me, a defining moment happened while I was writing this, in a quiet coffee shop, everything around me was still. My body cold. Wondering what’s next? How do I answer questions I don’t understand? And then a gentle thought told me, “this is it. The season is new and so are you.”

Jazz filled the room, existence around me started to dance and gleam… My soul was feeling restoration of warmth fill in places I was unaware needed nurturing. Questions I don’t hold the answers to are not worthy of worry, instead God steps in.

Let us remember the very design of faith – in moments of stillness, He is working on movement. In places we are cold, warmth is on it’s way. In any void, He will fill. In any shift, He is there waiting.

“This is it. The season is new and so are you.”

-Sadianne Joyce

Sweeter.

Through years, healing, light and dark – a resting place within me has developed. A house, a feeling of comfort. A reflection of the peace I seek only to find within. Even on an unknown road, if I focus on the ease and love flowing beneath my skin and the depth through any structure – I am still. Safe. Satisfied. In all conditions, an environment will be adaptable by choosing my response.

A drive with a view can be tasteful, but a drive with a view can be sweeter, by doing one simple gesture… Pulling over to indulge in the sight. Allowing time to feel paused. There is no thought or worry focused on the movement of tires, because time is now.

There is a view, a life, a home deep within that craves a visit. If we do not take the time to stop and pave the way to this resting place, we will be unable to grasp the only thing we have – now. We will see it in the rear view, without carrying on with genuine intention of what’s next.

There cannot be a next if there is not a now.

When I find myself unfocused on my current state, with a floating mind or a distanced heart – I know I must recenter. What I cannot control does not define me but how I perceive my environment does. I pray to continue being the woman who restores my being. Who brings a hushing comfort to dark thoughts. Who dismisses confusion that invites itself in and anxiousness that overstays an unwelcomed visit. I pray to continue admiring the view. To remember a pause is not a pause at all, but a blessing of allowing something greater to be in control. The presence in the present. I pray to see the illusion in presented perfection. The illusion in pressure. The illusion in second guessing what I stand for. I pray to continue hand crafting – adding touch by bringing my most authentic self, allowing my creation to flee. Devouring the sight given. The sunrise and sunset does not ask us to drive into the race, but to get out and sit on it’s sidelines. To trust. In gleaming enchantment the rays whisper “Rest upon me. Next to me. Breathe. Relax. Become in awe of all that I am. All that you are. Don’t accelerate into darkness by choice. Reach out. Touch me. Become me. A breathtaking balance of stillness and movement. A miraculous beauty.”

When discovery takes place everything around us exhales as our beings inhale light, as our hearts beat in warmth. As our spirit rests in cheer. As the road says “I’ll be here when the time comes.”

-Sadianne Joyce

Fluency Exposed

Our language will be heard. Will it be understood? A chance we decide to take. One I admittedly love to take. There’s something alluring about walking into an environment and offering all I can be in true expression. There’s nothing more and nothing less that I can give when I am true to everything within. When I speak in a language that only aligns with all I am and all I can be, I soon experience who reciprocates.

Who speaks my language? The ones who understand without actual words. Energy that weaves through present space with ease and communion. Hearts that comfort. A shoulder to lean on without needing to ask. The ones who see simplicity as the greatest luxury. Everything materialistic will never hold the substance that something intangible can. Rhythms that sync and heartbeats to dance to. Foundation of trust and respect that’s constant. Passion that drips over conversations that impact and shift. Understanding that hard work is not only done in a workplace but personally. Value in existence radiates. Those who show up and are undeniably authentic to all that has shaped them. The creators, the artists, the enthusiasts. The ones who celebrate what calls directly to their heart. The ones who celebrate loudly and are unashamed of where their attention admires. The ones who bravely grasp onto what calls them near, even if others do not see the same beauty. The explorers. The ones who have sights, stories and poetic prose tucked carefully in safekeeping of their hearts. An example, an inspiring figure that takes up space in ones own style. A good character who only uses judgement from divine intuition. Those who are easy on themselves, loving always, even when it’s hard. Hearts that are whole, yet have room. Forgiveness and wisdom goes hand in hand. The ones who respond in vulnerability. The ones who expose challenges, knowing that support is not a sign of weakness but a battle to be fought together. The ones who keep faith near and trust in the process. Knowing that our connection alone holds significance, rhyme and reason.

If reciprocation does not take place it is not a time to feel alone. It is a time to celebrate differences, pure formation in truth. Take any failed connection as higher purpose guiding. Take any confused comprehension as understanding that it was never meant to be interpreted. Not everyone is meant for us and this is a beautiful part of life. Not every aspect of life is supposed to reflect perfection. Trust in this. Carry on. And always, continue to speak your language.

Fluently so.

-Sadianne Joyce

Virtue Defined

Emotions running through my blood, reminding me how alive and blessed I am to live a life granted. Sometimes it’s important to center all of our thoughts, our purpose, the joy we are capable of.

Ask yourself, what confirms my existence? What confirms my purpose? Tears begin to run down my face, making me understand the very reason of my creation.

We gather and forget what we are here for. Let us be reminded why we all live in the same place. It is not to feel crowded, invaded or anxious. I find people full of love everyday, and if I feel a shortage, I wish to offer a hand, wanting to remind them of why happiness is something we’re all capable of. I listen to hear God’s voice, I become a steward of blessing when I speak through him and when I give through him. When I become a blessing to others I am blessed with confirmation. I am rewarded with confirmation of knowing my very purpose. My purpose in life is not something to grasp, it is not a goal to reach, it’s not a day I look forward to. My purpose is now. It is present time that deserves indulgence. Every breath, every moment, every day. My purpose is to step outside of ordinary, to become something deeper than just a surface level, existing conversation. I wish to comfort and warm where cold hits and wishes to settle. I am created to admire, to look in the eyes of despair and pray for light. I’m here to look into the eyes of joy and feel them inspire. When I give joy, I receive joy – because within offering is foundation.

The design of my body was given as I continue to be the designer of my spirit. I am fulfilled with worthiness when I design by surrendering.

“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; For to have been born in God’s thought and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious in all thinking.” -C.S. Lewis

Surrendering is one of our strongest abilities. Surrendering to what God has called upon us, in front of us and behind us is not an easy task, but it is needed in order to understand pure reason. My motives are to let go of control. I no longer try to calculate what does not make sense. I stray from paths that do not lead to a holy place. I no longer move forward forgetting that I am chosen and a plan is crafted. I am yours God while I am still mine, experiencing this is virtue defined. I will only desire change if it is called by you. I will only trust where I feel you live. I only indulge where I can serve purpose and purpose can serve me. Unease and confusion does not tempt me. I no longer invite the unknown unless intuitive discovery calls. I will not go where I feel you afar. I cannot seek for something that is already inventoried within.

I have heard your voice, your comfort, your wisdom in places I have needed it – This is ALL I need. I will continue to be the very creation you called upon this Earth. I will continue to live as a daily reminder of what I am capable of – what we all are capable of.

I will continue to surrender.

-Sadianne Joyce

And Maybe Even Stay…

“I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

We all go through phases where our heart wants to stay in. We want to shy away from real emotion because it’s easier. Less effort means less work, zero expectations means zero disappointment. I’m working on this – I’m working on sharing my heart in every day that I have. In personal experience, I’ve gone through hurt – heartbreak – pain. Darkness is not a focus for me, so I tend to focus on all the blooming I’ve done after finding the light. I have not always been positive, in love with life, or forgiving. But after finding my way, which we all do differently – I have become one with the pain that I’ve experienced in my path. I have become one with the loss and the aches that have brought me to who I am today. It doesn’t happen over night and that was a struggle for me as well. But I found faith, I found myself through being vulnerable, by opening my heart in understanding I don’t need to have it all figured out. Time heals, and that it did.

I’ve realized that hurt can only come from a place of hiding, making myself smaller, picking and choosing what I wish to define me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot pick and choose what happens to me, this is the beauty of life – but I can choose how it shapes me. I believe that if we all showed up in the armor that has brought us through the battles we’ve gotten through – or maybe still going through, we wouldn’t be so afraid. We would understand in mutual sympathy. We could tolerate and respect each other for the reason behind our challenges. We could support and cheer with those in need.

Strength has nothing to do with the tears kept in, with the straight face given when emotions run through the bloodstream. Strength is allowing yourself to be who you are and being unafraid to show up in truth.

I’ve always fought my battles silently, feeling ashamed if my life wasn’t what I wanted it to look like – but all of that changed.

I’ve no longer felt afraid to express myself, I’ve no longer felt the need to shy away from being loud in my truth, being able to ask the difficult questions, to connect with others because I am brave enough to show that life is not always pretty, nor is it meant to be. This has allowed me to become one with everything that has happened to me and more than ever, ready for what is to come. My heart has grown, real intentions by real people have brought me to safe places of love. If I receive true intentions and gentle care after I show not only my good side, but all the others, I know that I have found the ones. The people, places, homes that are meant to walk in and maybe even stay, within my open heart.

-Sadianne Joyce

Collections

Becoming more aware of our collections will allow us to be more present when another moment is to be grasped, tucked away and kept to add with the others. Let us credit ourselves for all of the beauty we seek and then keep. The views we give our full attention to are not just views at all – they are masterpieces being added to our inside studios and displays. Part of what defines us is what attracts us. What attracts us allows us to expand our minds in admiration and creation.

MY COLLECTIONS

Sunsets and conversations as warm as the hues releasing themselves to our sky. Open space that allows my heart to feel like it was just exposed to a fresh slate.

Melodies and songs that move my body and make me reach to turn the volume up. A velvet, sultry voice that I know when I hear. Dancing that is not just movement but need.

Memories that even thinking upon shape me from content to enthralled. Lessons that are learned and used to keep me on the greater path, where wild flowers grow.

The smells of a cafe, the sound of coffee brewing and mugs clinking into a busy hour. Different storefronts that display what they wish to define their business.

Vintage photographs and postcards with love notes.

Fresh air whether it’s surrounded by morning dew or night stars. The sound of natures song, the birds singing and branches swaying.

Being heard and the proof of being seen. Silent conversations and moments of intuition. Smiles from strangers and compliments in passing.

Inspiration dripping from personal style and originality. A backstory of a unique piece, the travelling it has done, the reason behind being worn.

Words that are so much more than just a noise. Words that are so much more than something to be read. Books that hold meaning and stories that are told in vulnerability.

Risks and adventure.

Kisses and energy. Love given and love received.

Collections can be physical belonging that we bring home and cherish, but they can also be moments of silence. Collections can be the intangible. The free offerings life gives us gracefully.

As a child I never picked up a stone that looked perfect, but the ones that were unique and different from the rest. In personal experience, imperfection allows me to see more beauty. When we reach out to grasp something beautiful, something beautiful will reach back and shift us.

I’ll continue to collect, gathering the moments and wildflowers along my path. With my collections I am not experiencing a place outside of myself but rather carrying what shapes me within myself everywhere I go.

I am continuously expanding larger because I carry and add treasure in every breath I take.

-Sadianne Joyce

Joining Forces

Within all change is great character. We are always on our way. As I trust the process always, I break into this new season of bloom walking with the same heart that will never stop loving, the same soul that will never stop expressing. Except older, bigger, stronger.

I’ve been content with my present giving the time ahead a feeling of home. An understanding that vulnerability can be one of the most beautiful strengths. A knowing that my love is enough and more. A worth that continues to walk through all wrong intentions. A guidance from people who know my heart.

“I was meant to be experienced differently. I am not a friend you have had before, I am not a lover you have loved before, I am me.” 

When you experience me you will be experiencing my full truth. I am here for it all. This time better than ever. Even when I don’t feel ready, I will be. Even when I am not fearless, I will be brave. Even when I do not understand, I will listen.

To those in my life, I wish to reflect the good that I see in you. The unique craft that I admire, I wish to enhance by speaking upon and complimenting all you have to offer. I wish to be the balance on a warm day, offering shade and a breeze to keep you cool.

I want those I love to feel big, free and open in their truth as I have grown to express mine. Take up space, I want you here. Even when I am content and quiet, you are made of great company. The experiences that have shaped you are valid and even when it seems hard, let’s join forces to make it easier.

My heart feels freely and beats not only for myself but for those around me. How I exchange my emotions, realness and energy with others, will result in life. My life is beautiful because I choose to see the breathtaking view. I hear the song because I listen to the music. I dance without care because I know what’s worth worry. I am surrounded by love because of the people that mirror what I give.

Gratitude within me overflows, blossoms and becomes an energy surrounding me.

Thank what you have – it’s meant to be yours.
Thank what is not reciprocated – there is purpose.
Thank what has passed – you are growing.
Thank what’s to come – trust in the process.

The beauty of this all is so perpetual. 

-Sadianne Joyce