Tag: thoughts

Eclectic Freedom

NO ONE IS YOU – AND THAT IS YOUR POWER

Rest assured and a deep breath in – you are one of a kind, and one of a kind for a reason. Understand that you don’t need to be understood by everyone. This is what filtered beauty really is. With good practice and soul searching throughout time, I’ve become free from thinking I need to fit into a certain profession, possessions, categories that define who I am. These type of weighing thoughts, or even wants do not exist in my life. This is not where my worth is defined. There’s not certain places I find myself that embody purpose but rather all places.

I value freedom the same way I value love and loyalty – It’s one of the most important aspects of my life. Freedom includes peace to just be. I hold dedication within myself to keep my heart open with not only ease but faith in that ease. I wish for everyone to understand that they don’t need to be defined – they don’t need to fit into a box or a set list of labels. Instead we can resemble all things that weave our heart and soul together. Dreams, ideas, projects, goals, time for all the things you’ve always wanted to do, learn, or visions of who you want to be.

For me, there is gold in understanding that my purpose isn’t in a search but in my current state. I prefer to wake up and be created anew. It truly depends on the day, and at the end of the day it’s important to rest my head knowing I didn’t chase a classification to fit into, I didn’t settle on fulfilling someone else’s expectations or doing what the people around me are doing. Instead I’ll spend my days in leisure with the balance of motivation to be exactly who I am called to be that day.

By nature, I’m only instilled and focused on beauty that resonates within. I wish to be pulled by all that’s alluring to who I am, deeply. I want to be taken to open fields of wild existence, to express and let loose all the parts that shape me. My floating ideas actually keep me grounded. And while some may think free spirits are too fierce, I find that those living in freedom are the most breath-taking creatures to exist. The ones unafraid to be themselves. The ones who express from a genuine place and understand that differences are planted as gifts and it is a pure duty to share.

You don’t have to change pieces of yourself that set you apart from others, these are the parts of you, where the right people at the right time, will show up to admire and love.  

I choose to be limitless. I don’t want to fall under one passion but a multitude. I don’t want to feel pressure when it comes to choosing what’s for me, instead I will be a magnet to all that’s finding it’s way towards me – And when it comes, it will find a home in my ever-growing heart that has a limitless capacity for admiration.

-Sadianne Joyce

Journal Entries: What inspires me? Am I allowing myself the space to create? Am I walking the paths my soul wishes for? A list of collectibles I love. What sparks my rooted gifts and ignites me to dig deeper? Who brings out the best in me? Do I love something for myself because I love it myself? Do I rely on approval by others? Am I fearless in all the right ways? Define eclectic. Define freedom.

My Testimony

 

close up colors landscape picture“The Lord is my Shepard – I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness.”

He makes me. He leads me. He restores me.

There was no other way. Every day and especially come night, I had a relationship with God – he came in to protect me. When I think of my childhood I think of my Mother. She had an energy about her that gave me safety. Even when her environment was unsafe, my Mother didn’t allow fear to cross her. Gods protection reminded me of my Mom, but I knew with Gods protection that it wasn’t just me that was kept safe, it was both her and I, my sister, my Father, everyone surrounding me – which made my relationship with God a priority. It’s as if he came to me and I surrendered. I knew that all would be okay as long as I followed this feeling and trusted a higher form of care. As a kid our relationship felt like the greatest, private tale of all time, yet it was real. It was existing, sometimes a gut feeling – I didn’t know precisely what this love was, but I knew I would never move in the opposite direction. And it carried me all the way to the next chapters of my life. When I think of my life and the testimony that belongs to me, there is not a certain moment that was a defining moment. My testimony has lived within me since I came to understand the safety that followed after I allowed God to take care of my family and I. Prayer would blossom out of me. I wasn’t taken to church religiously, but my mind understood the beautiful, miraculous wonders that something much larger had to of been the Creator. I wasn’t religious in terms of following a set of rules but I had an undeniable, personal relationship that I embrace to this day. Spirituality is my movement. Everyone around me knew that my experiences were outside the ordinary for a child my age, I grew up fast. I had no other choice, the same way God came in and took care of my life. Our safety. He made me lay down, rest, and realize he was the only one who could restore all of the hurt, fight and confusion.

My mom received a phone call, I heard the detective on the other line tell her to turn around, they found him. “Where is he?” My Mother asked. The detective responded and told her he would speak to her in person. I pushed my head into the seat and prayed the hardest I’ve ever prayed in my life. In that moment I felt the presence of God surround my being. It was clarification, understanding and knowing that the feeling I’ve been feeling, came over my body in full. I was no longer having just a taste of what my relationship was, I became fulfilled. I prayed so hard I could barely breathe. It was my initial reaction, to speak to God. To let him know that I am here. I am with him. He let me know he was with me.

“Please. Let him be okay.” I whispered. I would soon find out that he was. He was no longer in pain. No longer addicted. No longer fighting control. As I prayed, I felt as if my Dad was taking my hair, tucking it behind my ear, rocking me back and forth, telling me, “I am okay. And you will be too. Your mom. Your sister. The days to come. The man who will fill in. I am not far, I am here with you. I hear you, not in the way I used to. But you are all knowing and you will never go a day without my attention.”

The rest of the night is a blur. It could have been the tears covering my eyes or the sound of the scream I heard from my Mom when the detective told her they found my father dead. I stayed in the car when she went in to have the conversation. Looking at my sister in her car seat I wondered how this could be. Tears fell from my face, my sister in my arms. This was now my battlefield. His hurt is gone and ours will worsen for some time. But because God is with me, I will never fail, the pain will not last, understanding will come over my heart, it will take years but it will come. I will never lose sight of the proof that we have a protective God. My fathers death was a grudge that I held for awhile. Sadness turned into anger and anger turned into anxiety.

I fought to forgive my Father for all he has missed and all he will miss out on, for the love I poured from my small being, feeling as if I could have done better… Wishing I would have done more… I forgave him. For making my Mother a warrior, not because she wanted to be but because she had to be, she was a survivor while sometimes feeling like she was losing. I forgave him for leaving. He left me with the most powerful lesson. He didn’t leave me empty handed and I often wonder if he as well, had a relation with God that offered pure peace. It took me a long time to realize this. He introduced the purest, most powerful love. And this is where my strength comes from, the relationship I had with God as a young age. It wasn’t because of the experiences I went through but because of the faith my small being had. Sometimes we go through ultimate darkness so we are made to kneel down, to have one choice but to give ourselves to the one who holds reason and I made the choice to do so. Even when it didn’t make sense, it does now. And I understand that I have been encountering God in special ways ever since.

With arms wide open and a broken heart, anger in my soul, misunderstanding when happiness was present, unknowingly defending all pain, carefully taking myself out of joyful situations because it felt too good to be true, I remembered that this is not what God would want for me. And most certainly not my Father, who wished with his entire being – to give me the very best. I not only forgave my Dad. I forgave myself and let the weights drift from my shoulders. I let go and let God in, again, again and again. And each time I would find that same feeling of guidance, fulfillment, a sense that I was being waited for. Restoration occurred and I am now the woman I am today because of the witness I grew up to be. There is no other way, there is no other choice, God is the center of my life, and the reason as to why the gospel I take in is so moving.

I pray that those who have their own testimony share their voice with others. I pray that those receiving, dance to the gospel.

I pray that those who have not had the opportunity to experience such a relationship, open their hearts and realize the rest will follow.

Trust in this.

The rest will follow.

-Sadianne Joyce

“It takes courage to give voice to what we experience, the way a coyote howls: not just out of hunger, but out of visceral joy at being a part of the infinite secret revealed. In this way, we’re angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket after thicket because we sense what can’t be seen all around us.” -M. Nepo

November’s Essence

“It was November – the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines. Ann roamed through the pine-land alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great sweeping wind blow the fogs out of her soul.” -L.M. Montgomery

Leaves dance with ease, but not before shedding from the branches to then riding the breeze. A journey of essential transformation. I will let the breeze that feels like future frost ride through my body. There’s something thrilling about this current environment, standing outside of our bodies contentment. We must shift, gather strength and find ease.

I’ve always admired this season of my life, all that it teaches me. I will mirror the wild of November’s essence. May I be unapologetic to the transformation that must take place in order to become what’s in store. I will release and I will gain. I will define the beauty of what we cannot control, the freedom of shifting. The adjustment that’s needed in order for new purpose. I will dance with the breeze, I will inhale the cold shifting from fall into winter and I will find the warmth. I will not take the undressing of what once bloomed as a loss. I will not slip into worry and doubt. I will embrace nature in it’s most natural way – resting in God’s creation. I will listen to His voice when I am told to adjust and then trust.

When this voice is heard, it may not be what we prefer, it may not be warm, it may not be easy but it will embody purpose. Sometimes we deserve to just sit back and let blessed realizations come to us. When we answer calls from God we give all the harvesting we’ve done room to manifest.

With mornings that begin in darkness, the stars will still shine bright later come night. And with long nights, the sun will still rise and shine through the cracks of my curtains the next morning in the familiar spots I’ve observed. These small moments of enlightenment will remind me that through all I endure, beauty will still find me… When morning begins colder and nights rush to become darker, I can change my perspective from loss to opportunity in gaining creativity to build my own temple of a cozy, safe landing.

Seasons never alter drastically, but rather slowly. They take their time – without rush but still in confidence. Approvals are not needed, they will change regardless of where you stand or how you try to prevent what is made to happen. Your new season will lead up, carrying essentials and gems. Memories of what was let go of and advances of what was learned. Love and lesson. Wholeness and defining moments.

For me, a defining moment happened while I was writing this, in a quiet coffee shop, everything around me was still. My body cold. Wondering what’s next? How do I answer questions I don’t understand? And then a gentle thought told me, “this is it. The season is new and so are you.”

Jazz filled the room, existence around me started to dance and gleam… My soul was feeling restoration of warmth fill in places I was unaware needed nurturing. Questions I don’t hold the answers to are not worthy of worry, instead God steps in.

Let us remember the very design of faith – in moments of stillness, He is working on movement. In places we are cold, warmth is on it’s way. In any void, He will fill. In any shift, He is there waiting.

“This is it. The season is new and so are you.”

-Sadianne Joyce

Thicker Skin and a Softer Heart

The air of October has always found a home against my spine – riding through my body and settling in places warmth fights to find. I value this feeling as it reminds me of what being alive is – to feel. To shiver. To fight. To seek comfort. To conquer.

On this day October 14th, my father was born. Happy Birthday to the man who taught me what forgiveness means, who taught me fight, who helped me understand that not all questions can be answered but faith will live on as long as we wear it like armor. Rest in peace to the man who deserved the rest, freedom, the answers to what I’ve accepted will never make sense. October will always speak to me like a long lost friend – or a long lost enemy, I’m not sure which feels more fitting. This month holds a memorable place in my heart. The same heart that has softened throughout the years, the heart that is guarded by skin that has become thick and capable of anything, with or without fear.

One of our greatest strengths is courage to seek beauty even when life doesn’t represent the miraculous creation that it is. Many will wake to days where this seems impossible, many will continue to rise and try again, without knowing why. Some will give up and some will succeed. There are no promises of what will happen next, what the day will bring, who will be here and who will be gone. These thoughts used to scare me. They used to shift me into anxiousness, until I realized that through fear, grit, fight and tears I will always be ready. I will fight for those who didn’t know how. I will listen to those who feel unheard. I will reach my hand to those falling and I’ll get on the ground to be a ladder into higher perspective. I’ll do all of this by simply existing in each day to my fullest potential, remembering where I came from and who I am today.

I’ve become balanced, understanding and reminiscing right from wrong. I’ve come to solid ground, standing here – tall and demanding of standards that will continue to rise. Expectations to gather in healthy relationships, environments and expression. I will never be without this, I have a promise to keep.

In just a few days, October 17th will mark the day my father passed away. The day that has brought me to these thoughts today. The day that has shaped me. The day he gave up and the day I stood up.

I’ve learned and will continue to cherish the fight we all have within us. The value that keeps us defined and the worth of what we allow in our lives. I will embrace everything that has happened to me and all that’s to come. To being capable of feeling. To being capable of loving. To being capable of seeing a future yet embracing the present with grateful presence. To celebrations, whether small or large. To the appreciation of free joys that make life priceless. To intentional movement. To growth. To honesty. To God. To loss. To gain. To excelling. To being supported. To my guardians. To my being.

My existence that was created by my Mother and my Father. By fierce passion and burning desire – all stories come to an end but a new beginning is always around the corner.

-Sadianne Joyce

Enhancing by Choice

To be creative means to be in love with life… People are walking exteriors of unique ingredients. We are a place of expression, a sanctuary of thoughts that are crafted by the artist within us. We have a choice to wake up and use our hands to make something beautiful. To use our mind to radiate warm energy. To use our words to inspire hearts to beat. To use our sound to make rhythm easy. To use our eyes to see the light. And so on.

Thank life for being so giving. How blessed are we to have the choice of what we taste? What we allow. How we can perceive challenges as lessons to be learned…

In each day I want to be seen for my energy. I want to be felt for graceful movement. I want to be heard by what I radiate when words are not spoken… And when words are spoken I want to be a sensation of born emotions. I have a choice in waking up and making the most out of the life I was given. I have a choice in enhancing life by giving the gift that was born within me, my creativity.

We can all be creative. Creativity is not a gift that one is born without. We can find it within us, each one of us. It depends on us – are we going to be a supplier of what lays beneath the surface? Creativity is not always a physical creation that we make in front of us but an intangible specialty. Create with your thoughts, your love and the emotion others can walk away with. Create even if results are not immediate. A process is often required for a masterpiece to blossom.

Perfect a tilted object in the way only your magic allows. Reach out until you are satisfied. Give something your touch, you were meant to adjust subjects that call to you. If we have a motive or a dream that entails shifting then we must step foot in it’s path. This desire is not placed with coincidence. Your magic is calling. Your creation is answering.

-Sadianne Joyce

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?”

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”