Tag: truth

Eclectic Freedom

NO ONE IS YOU – AND THAT IS YOUR POWER

Rest assured and a deep breath in – you are one of a kind, and one of a kind for a reason. Understand that you don’t need to be understood by everyone. This is what filtered beauty really is. With good practice and soul searching throughout time, I’ve become free from thinking I need to fit into a certain profession, possessions, categories that define who I am. These type of weighing thoughts, or even wants do not exist in my life. This is not where my worth is defined. There’s not certain places I find myself that embody purpose but rather all places.

I value freedom the same way I value love and loyalty – It’s one of the most important aspects of my life. Freedom includes peace to just be. I hold dedication within myself to keep my heart open with not only ease but faith in that ease. I wish for everyone to understand that they don’t need to be defined – they don’t need to fit into a box or a set list of labels. Instead we can resemble all things that weave our heart and soul together. Dreams, ideas, projects, goals, time for all the things you’ve always wanted to do, learn, or visions of who you want to be.

For me, there is gold in understanding that my purpose isn’t in a search but in my current state. I prefer to wake up and be created anew. It truly depends on the day, and at the end of the day it’s important to rest my head knowing I didn’t chase a classification to fit into, I didn’t settle on fulfilling someone else’s expectations or doing what the people around me are doing. Instead I’ll spend my days in leisure with the balance of motivation to be exactly who I am called to be that day.

By nature, I’m only instilled and focused on beauty that resonates within. I wish to be pulled by all that’s alluring to who I am, deeply. I want to be taken to open fields of wild existence, to express and let loose all the parts that shape me. My floating ideas actually keep me grounded. And while some may think free spirits are too fierce, I find that those living in freedom are the most breath-taking creatures to exist. The ones unafraid to be themselves. The ones who express from a genuine place and understand that differences are planted as gifts and it is a pure duty to share.

You don’t have to change pieces of yourself that set you apart from others, these are the parts of you, where the right people at the right time, will show up to admire and love.  

I choose to be limitless. I don’t want to fall under one passion but a multitude. I don’t want to feel pressure when it comes to choosing what’s for me, instead I will be a magnet to all that’s finding it’s way towards me – And when it comes, it will find a home in my ever-growing heart that has a limitless capacity for admiration.

-Sadianne Joyce

Journal Entries: What inspires me? Am I allowing myself the space to create? Am I walking the paths my soul wishes for? A list of collectibles I love. What sparks my rooted gifts and ignites me to dig deeper? Who brings out the best in me? Do I love something for myself because I love it myself? Do I rely on approval by others? Am I fearless in all the right ways? Define eclectic. Define freedom.

My Testimony

 

close up colors landscape picture“The Lord is my Shepard – I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness.”

He makes me. He leads me. He restores me.

There was no other way. Every day and especially come night, I had a relationship with God – he came in to protect me. When I think of my childhood I think of my Mother. She had an energy about her that gave me safety. Even when her environment was unsafe, my Mother didn’t allow fear to cross her. Gods protection reminded me of my Mom, but I knew with Gods protection that it wasn’t just me that was kept safe, it was both her and I, my sister, my Father, everyone surrounding me – which made my relationship with God a priority. It’s as if he came to me and I surrendered. I knew that all would be okay as long as I followed this feeling and trusted a higher form of care. As a kid our relationship felt like the greatest, private tale of all time, yet it was real. It was existing, sometimes a gut feeling – I didn’t know precisely what this love was, but I knew I would never move in the opposite direction. And it carried me all the way to the next chapters of my life. When I think of my life and the testimony that belongs to me, there is not a certain moment that was a defining moment. My testimony has lived within me since I came to understand the safety that followed after I allowed God to take care of my family and I. Prayer would blossom out of me. I wasn’t taken to church religiously, but my mind understood the beautiful, miraculous wonders that something much larger had to of been the Creator. I wasn’t religious in terms of following a set of rules but I had an undeniable, personal relationship that I embrace to this day. Spirituality is my movement. Everyone around me knew that my experiences were outside the ordinary for a child my age, I grew up fast. I had no other choice, the same way God came in and took care of my life. Our safety. He made me lay down, rest, and realize he was the only one who could restore all of the hurt, fight and confusion.

My mom received a phone call, I heard the detective on the other line tell her to turn around, they found him. “Where is he?” My Mother asked. The detective responded and told her he would speak to her in person. I pushed my head into the seat and prayed the hardest I’ve ever prayed in my life. In that moment I felt the presence of God surround my being. It was clarification, understanding and knowing that the feeling I’ve been feeling, came over my body in full. I was no longer having just a taste of what my relationship was, I became fulfilled. I prayed so hard I could barely breathe. It was my initial reaction, to speak to God. To let him know that I am here. I am with him. He let me know he was with me.

“Please. Let him be okay.” I whispered. I would soon find out that he was. He was no longer in pain. No longer addicted. No longer fighting control. As I prayed, I felt as if my Dad was taking my hair, tucking it behind my ear, rocking me back and forth, telling me, “I am okay. And you will be too. Your mom. Your sister. The days to come. The man who will fill in. I am not far, I am here with you. I hear you, not in the way I used to. But you are all knowing and you will never go a day without my attention.”

The rest of the night is a blur. It could have been the tears covering my eyes or the sound of the scream I heard from my Mom when the detective told her they found my father dead. I stayed in the car when she went in to have the conversation. Looking at my sister in her car seat I wondered how this could be. Tears fell from my face, my sister in my arms. This was now my battlefield. His hurt is gone and ours will worsen for some time. But because God is with me, I will never fail, the pain will not last, understanding will come over my heart, it will take years but it will come. I will never lose sight of the proof that we have a protective God. My fathers death was a grudge that I held for awhile. Sadness turned into anger and anger turned into anxiety.

I fought to forgive my Father for all he has missed and all he will miss out on, for the love I poured from my small being, feeling as if I could have done better… Wishing I would have done more… I forgave him. For making my Mother a warrior, not because she wanted to be but because she had to be, she was a survivor while sometimes feeling like she was losing. I forgave him for leaving. He left me with the most powerful lesson. He didn’t leave me empty handed and I often wonder if he as well, had a relation with God that offered pure peace. It took me a long time to realize this. He introduced the purest, most powerful love. And this is where my strength comes from, the relationship I had with God as a young age. It wasn’t because of the experiences I went through but because of the faith my small being had. Sometimes we go through ultimate darkness so we are made to kneel down, to have one choice but to give ourselves to the one who holds reason and I made the choice to do so. Even when it didn’t make sense, it does now. And I understand that I have been encountering God in special ways ever since.

With arms wide open and a broken heart, anger in my soul, misunderstanding when happiness was present, unknowingly defending all pain, carefully taking myself out of joyful situations because it felt too good to be true, I remembered that this is not what God would want for me. And most certainly not my Father, who wished with his entire being – to give me the very best. I not only forgave my Dad. I forgave myself and let the weights drift from my shoulders. I let go and let God in, again, again and again. And each time I would find that same feeling of guidance, fulfillment, a sense that I was being waited for. Restoration occurred and I am now the woman I am today because of the witness I grew up to be. There is no other way, there is no other choice, God is the center of my life, and the reason as to why the gospel I take in is so moving.

I pray that those who have their own testimony share their voice with others. I pray that those receiving, dance to the gospel.

I pray that those who have not had the opportunity to experience such a relationship, open their hearts and realize the rest will follow.

Trust in this.

The rest will follow.

-Sadianne Joyce

“It takes courage to give voice to what we experience, the way a coyote howls: not just out of hunger, but out of visceral joy at being a part of the infinite secret revealed. In this way, we’re angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket after thicket because we sense what can’t be seen all around us.” -M. Nepo

Pure Existence

When I dig down to my roots I find a girl with expression in her eyes. Story that hurts. Small moments that take place in deep memory because then, it meant more than I ever thought it would. Memories that swing in the breeze, like a careless child – innocent for just a few moments until the swing comes to a stop. Waiting patiently for someone to launch me to the sky again so that a few short moments feel whimsical. My stomach drops. My stomach aches from joy. My stomach becomes nauseated watching everything around me spin.

I’ve grown since the last time my body was launched to the sky, my hair falling back in a loose mess. I’ve grown but my roots still take me to this place. The highs and the lows. The force and the stop.

I was in a safe place, yet my hands still gripped the rope. I’d look down as if there were sharks jumping at my feet. I’d look up as if the branch would snap. I looked ahead and knew this was the feeling of pure existence. This is what it means to be alive.

Back and forth. In circles. Sometimes a twist. Although movement was everywhere, the safest place to be was riding the breeze. If I stayed put I knew I’d be able to find joy in the unknown. The imagination. Even the worry and doubt.

For a moment, when I really tried to focus, I could. I’d see someone ahead of me – the person pushing me. Everything else besides them was a blur. Focus was available even when everything else was full speed.

Dear God – Thank you for showing up. For aligning me into the perfect position to seek you. When everything around me feels rapid, too fast or even too slow… When the world seems out of control – I come back to this place. I remind myself of my roots. The girl staring at you reflects everything you created, placed with experiences to help her get to this place now. The highs to enjoy and the lows to focus on possibility. Restoration. To trust that all structure you build is strong enough to hold. That any direction I go, a crash will not succeed. All the emotions I once felt and all the moments of pure existence held reason. I am stronger. Braver. Trusting. There is challenge and there is reward. There is love and there is loss. God – may I never forget to seek you in moments of need. May I never forget to let my hair down. May I always come to focus on the one thing that stays constant while everything else continues to move.

Existence can be gut wrenchingly beautiful. But you already know that.

Amen.

-Sadianne Joyce

In the way I show up

Full of spoken words that make people turn their head when they listen. Thinking, wondering.
“How does she so, accurately know about life, love, loss”
Full of spoken words that make people rest their head when they listen. Trusting, relaxing.

“I LOVE RAWNESS SO MUCH. FALSELY STARTED SENTENCES, MISSPELLED WORDS, THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT SAY, THAT YOU HAVE NO WORDS FOR. THE WAY A PERSON’S VOICE CRACKS UP WHEN THEY SING. THE WAY YOU SEE WRINKLES BENEATH THE EYES OF SOMEONE OLDER EACH TIME THEY SMILE. IT MAKES ME BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT, BUT IT’S FINE. IT IS WHAT MAKES US ALL HUMAN. UNFILTERED. HONEST. IT MAKES ME BELIEVE IN LIFE AGAIN, REMINDING ME THAT THERE ARE STILL A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS LEFT IN THIS WORLD.”

This is all I can be, this is all I’m supposed to be. Allow my pure truth to give you the same freedom in being exactly who you are. I wish to have the bravery to continue on in this way – movement in honesty and movement in raw expression. When you accept me for all that I am, I accept you in all that you are.

We all know more than we allow ourselves to speak on… This is because we are fearsome of being judged. We are fearsome of showing that we’ve experienced so much. We are set back when others have strong emotions because we are not used to speaking upon them. We hold ourselves back from asking questions because then we become vulnerable. When we are vulnerable we are stepping into the light our comfort is not used to. What if we are rejected? What if the answer is not what we had planned to hear?

AS LONG AS YOU’RE TRUE TO YOURSELF, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS – AS LONG AS YOU’RE TRUE TO YOURSELF, YOU ARE ON THE PATH TO SUCCESS.

I am inspired by many things in this life of mine, but not one thing inspires me more than people. Their craft, the way they talk, how they understand, what they create and how their body moves to what attracts them near. We are delicate pieces of a life so huge, we must take care of each other. It’s so easy to hate when we could have greater growth in love. I’ve witnessed many people feel misunderstood because they don’t have a connection with someone who understands in the way they wish to be understood… Sometimes that is nearly impossible, but just because we don’t understand doesn’t mean that we cannot try.

There’s nothing I trust more than someone who is willing to be themselves regardless of the circumstance. There’s nothing I find more attractive than a genuine, expressive heart. When we allow ourselves to be in our most candid and vulnerable state, we are opening a pathway for others to feel the same. On this path I have met some of the most beautiful souls. My greatest friendships have come with the art of sharing. Find these people. Love these people. Be transparent and watch how many will follow and feel free because of it. Allow your people to come to you – Let them bring you anything under the sun, and when you are gifted with the knowing of what that may be, reciprocate in listening, appreciating and never judging. There is a trust that’s gained when we show we aren’t trying to be perfect, that we are arms wide open, saying “accept me not in the way you want me to be, but in the way I show up…”

I am in awe of you.

-Sadianne Joyce

Intentional Truth

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“You never have anything to lose by being yourself.” -My Mother

My Mom holds and expresses many forms of beauty, but these words will forever have a special place in my heart. It’s true, we will not lose anything by being ourselves, we can only gain truth, genuine reaction and inner peace. In a world full of temptation and persuasion holding on to our true selves is an art. In a world full of people, choose yourself and let the rest adjust. When you walk in your aura of uniqueness – that only you have the magic of, you are most powerful. 

Speak clearly and release your truths, be attracted to what gives you sensual feeling, love yourself toughly – this means to pick yourself up when you feel discouraged. Give yourself all the encouragement you need in the places only you know you really need. You know the change that needs to be done in order to be you, to feel good and most importantly to be easier on yourself. You are fearsome when you are open. Not only enthralling but inspirational. Show others how easy it is, with or without acceptance to be unapologetic for who you are… what your style is, how you feel, who you love and anything else that makes you a walking portfolio of all things that fill you.

By being yourself is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability alone has been a challenge for me most of my life. Although vulnerability has given me some of my greatest reward and experience, it feels like a risk. I suppose it is – but what is life without it? Let vulnerability ignite you instead of scare you. This is what makes you human – and in other words… fascinating.

This isn’t an easy task to take on. Showing up in exactly who your heart and soul tells you to be is like walking into a place and silence. Eyes are on you. Judgments are being made. Words expressed. Thoughts held. Remember this one thing… You will carry on. And you will do so in luxury.

Allow yourself to love yourself. 

-Sadianne Joyce

“What is done in love, is done well.” -Vincent Van Gogh